Religion poisons possible true loves from marrying.

When I was going to University of California, Berkeley, I was seated on a long table in the University Library with students like myself on either side. I was a little tired in the library, and put my head down on my book to rest. When I raised my head up, an attractive dark-haired girl seated across from me was looking at me, smiling, asked “Do you study by osmosis?” (Some people say one can absorb a book by resting their heads upon a book!).

Amused, I started a conversation with her. Her name was Barbara.

Later, we spent a lot of time together.  I had a car and my own apartment.  She lived in San Leandro, about 25 minutes south of Berkeley.  One time we stayed up all night to see the sunrise. We never consummated our relationship, but came close. She had incredibly soft skin, especially in the neck and shoulder area. She was very intelligent, and we coincided in liberal thinking, in a time of social germinating upheaval. It was 1958. We attended a meeting against the hydrogen bomb, among others.

I eventually asked her to marry me.

First, she wanted to meet my family. Both of my parents had died, but I had brothers in Northern California. We went and visited (briefly) my brother Bob and his wife Mary in San Francisco, and my brother Tom and his wife Shirley in Santa Cruz, and my sister Kay, in Santa Clara County, as I recall.

I believe Barbara truly loved me, but there was an obstacle to our being married, other than her family being wealthier than my family.

Barbara’s father owned a factory in San Leandro.  There was something else. She was Jewish.  My remaining  family at the time were all Christians.  As it turned out, her very rich grandfather did not want her to marry a gentile, and if she did, she was told that he would dis-inherit/disown  her.  She would be an outcast to an important part of her family. But wait, later a surprise turned up about ME that could have possibly turned the outcome completely around.

I seemed to get along very well with Barbara’s mother, and didn’t see much of her father.

So because of religion, two people in love, couldn’t marry.

The irony of the story is that I found out later that my grandparents on my father side are both buried in a Jewish Cemetery in New York. My mother was full blooded Norwegian. Her mother was a lady in waiting to the Queen of Norway. My mother’s father was a Lutheran minister.

My mother, I heard, told my Jewish father that she would marry him only if he agreed to bring up the children as Christians.

My father agreed, and his Jewish background was suppressed.

My mother, Catherine Dahl Butler, eventually had 6 children, me being the last. I didn’t know I was part Jewish until I was 18.

Later, doing genealogy, I found out that I am probably close to 50% Jewish!

Maybe her grandfather wouldn’t have dis-inherited her if he was informed of that information.

If I had known of my Jewish background at the time that I asked Barbara to marry me, would Barbara’s grandfather have approved ?  This will always be a mystery.

I do know religion kills and/or poisons potential marriages between otherwise compatible lovers.

I later married Marcy, the mother of my son Matthew. Marcy was brought up Catholic, but she was not devout. We needed a facility in which to get married, but we were forbidden to marry in the Catholic Church, because she had a previous divorce. We were married by a Justice of the Peace in San Francisco City Hall instead.

In a perfect world Beyond Religion, many potential marriages between very otherwise compatible potential partners wouldn’t be arbitrarily blocked.  In many religions, to marry a person of a different religion means being ostracized from your church/temple and even family.  It means death in certain parts of the Middle East.

Does this odyssey matter to me, today?

I am now happily married after several attempts at a lasting married relationship. Besides that, Barbara’s family (grandfather?)  would probably have tried to make me convert to Judiasm, and I would be a captive INSIDE religion, not FREE and BEYOND ALL RELIGION.

About beyondallreligion

Samuel Butler, Author: BEYOND ALL RELIGION Most all religions are based upon a bedrock of lies. Christianity was invented by Emperor Constantine , for political purposes, based upon the myth of Mithra, a Persian savior god born on December 25 , son of a virgin. Mithra performed miracles and was later crucified. Pope Leo X (died 1521) called Christ a “Fable”. Later Pope Paul III expressed similar sentiments. Moses is based on the Sumerian life and legends of Sargon I, King of Akkad, “set in a basket of rushes and “cast into the river”. Egyptians kept exhausting hieroglyphic records. There is a complete absence of any record of Moses leading over 600,000 men, women and children away from Pharaoh’s army. Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, was convicted in a court of Law of being an “impostor”, today a fraud, con man, in 1826. He wrote the Book of Mormon soon after. Question: You decide: Does the text of the verses of the Qur’an correspond exactly to those revealed to Muhammad directly as the words of God, delivered to Muhammad through the angel Gabriel, as claimed? Sample or Buy New Book “Beyond All Religion”, 152 pgs, $9.95 at (Kindle edition $3.49) or send mailing address and $9.95 to Sam Butler, SB 197, POB 25292, Miami, FL 33102."
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12 Responses to Religion poisons possible true loves from marrying.

  1. Tom Edgar says:

    If she was really in love neither the family, religion nor the inheritance would have mattered.
    I have been an atheist all of my life, my wife, at the time was a Catholic. I said I would marry in a Church if the Priest would give her a religious blessing but a civil affirmation from me. We married in a Registry Office, she taking an oath on the Bible and I making an affirmation, and our marriage ran the full distance of 46 years, with her adopting the Quakers along the way. Her father wasn’t happy but eventually we became friends, her mother(they lived apart)
    was happy, and we were never friends, but then my wife didn’t like her either, not many people did.

    Incidentally we invited nobody to the ceremony but three friends took an extended lunch break from work and turned up. An atheist, a Methodist and a Catholic. No prizes for allocating my friend.

  2. Ken says:

    It seems to me that religion wasn’t the only reason you didn’t marry your first love; two people who are determined to marry don’t need their parents permission. I’ll bet that her love for you wasn’t as strong as her devotion to her family’s values.

  3. Family values, and say, a fortune in the waiting room if she doesn’t get dis-interited?

  4. Hugo says:

    People often have a knee jerk reaction if their view of what love, values and religion should be is questioned. Nothing new about that. I chuckle a little bit every time someone says “if they were really in love, they’d stick together”, as if external circumstances didn’t matter at all to people. Some people are value bound. They’d rather be faithful to whatever they believe than their own happiness. Which means that these people would rather do the “right” thing than fulfill their romantic aspirations, they’d rather please family, friends and values than be with their significant other. And as her family clearly intervened, i’m sure there was a whole structure designed to force her to make such a decision. Most people don’t have what it takes to stand up to everyone they’ve ever met.

  5. mstaarabu says:

    Religion is a setback to everything anyway.

    Am an Atheist,not married but my fiancee is a Bahai. We have dicided that we will marry in her religion but i will keep my belief she will keep hers.

  6. Travis Faust says:

    “If X was really Y, then Z wouldn’t have happened,” is a callous cop-out of an explanation (have you heard of the No True Scotsman fallacy?). Human motivation is complex; lots of things come together in forming our reasons for doing things. The fact that Samuel and Barbara broke up doesn’t mean that they weren’t “really” in love, it only means that they weren’t so infatuated with each other that they were willing to disregard everything else in their lives just to be together. Romantic love is one value among many: family harmony is another, so is money, and friends, and fun, and a billion other things. If you think True Love means being willing to give up absolutely everything just to be with each other, then I ought to inform you that Romeo and Juliet are not role models. They were a couple of stupid teenagers who made a bunch of rash decisions which ended up getting them killed.

  7. Eric says:

    The very same thing happened to me about a week ago. Girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other and wanted to be with each other forever. Her family loved me and
    she said I was the greatest boyfriend she ever had. We were together for 2 years. But, I’m not a Christian and that was a deal breaker for her. She said she wanted to be together but couldn’t. She wanted to raise her children Catholic, which I was fine with. I’m still not sure why she waited 2 years to tell me that. Religion poisoned my relationship with her.

  8. F. Bacon says:

    If a woman wants you to marry her family, I guess she has made her decision.

  9. Greg says:

    For cult religions, abondonment of family members and personal friends is high on the list, I have experienced a lot of it over the years by a lot of self righteous indoctinated christians, whom have come to believe that they are the only ones that matter, or are saved. Anyone out side their religion is dirt and evil and so the religion has invented a way to keep it’s members from associating with outsiders of other religions and especially atheists, which in my view is very unchristian and selfish.
    This is one excellent way to keep it’s members hypnotised and brain dead and selfish for the delusion what the religion is offering as it’s gift for the slave minded fools will recieve if they stay the course.

  10. I_Daniel says:

    Why complain about the “Lost Love” if it took several attempts to get a lasting relationship ?

    Everyone truly needs an anchor point so some have their religion, some their wealth, some their dissent and some their yearnings for the unattainable. Marriage between different religious and/or non-religious people is the same as cross-cultural marriages. Very few succeed because of the cultural or should I say the upbringing of the two parties involved. They have common social grounds but no common cultural grounds. If two people truly love one another then all barriers dissolve for it is a case of “Maybe millions of people pass by, But I only have eyes for you”.

    Oh well it is only shows how human we are for is it not our lot to blame others for things we did not do but should have done. Yes there are exceptions but they are not the rule.

    I do not let Christians or Atheist or religions nor non-religions cloud me, they have their comfort while i have the universe and on this day my soulmate of the past 49 years. Love is not a chemical reaction it is an adjustment and beautiful vibes. I am at peace with humanity and all it’s doings.

  11. I_Daniel says:

    May I add that when you are at peace with humanity then religions and non-religions become meaningless. As “WhiteHorseWoman” a moderator on the Holistic Healing Forum says. “Walk in beauty” this then means you are one with yourself, humanity, the earth and you can smile. It is not a condescending attitudeas as someone on the Atheist Forum perceived. It is just sweet life; It is truly beyond all religion.

    If you are always shooting down some religion or spiritual thing or people then you are not beyond religion, you are actually mired down by your emotions.

  12. Umar says:

    Her family, not her religion, was the reason you never got married. People in America have a very selfish view of marriage (I’m Chinese, and Muslim, so I have a different perspective); it’s all about making ‘me’ happy, forget my family, forget everyone else. In general, pleasing the parents is not a high priority for most people I know (I’ve lived in America for 17 years). The attitude is “THEY have to accommodate ME, and the reverse is not true!”

    I would never marry someone that my family hated or disliked, because I love my family, I’m not gonna subject my parents to unnecessary grief. I only have one mother and one father after all. But there’s MANY people I can potentially marry, so I gotta go with making my parents happy. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, plenty of suitable people that my family WOULDN’T object to after all.

    So whaaaaat, you watched the sunrise with this lovely Jewish lady and attended some political rallies and felt her soft skin against yours. Who knows if she really loved you or not. One could make the argument, if you really loved HER you would’ve pretended to be Jewish or converted. Obviously you felt it wasn’t worth the trouble, so how much love did you have for her, really?

    Of all the stories I’ve read about why people hate religion, this has to be the cheesiest one I’ve seen so far. People love to blame religion/God for everything. If they really counted their blessings and thought about their existence, they would be grateful and willing servants of God. Instead they want to find fault with God’s plan, insult His Prophets and His Revelations and laugh at the idea of life after death (it was God who gave us life and gives us death, it is that inconceivable to think He can reassemble us after we die? trillions of cells in our bodies, each working to perfection, how can anyone think life evolved randomly?). Woe to the disbelievers and the mockers and those who speculate, and peace to those who follow the guidance.

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