Committing suicide is the ultimate self sabotage. Right?

Beethoven was about to sabotage himself:

In December of 1802 , Beethoven , becoming more deaf, contemplated suicide?
beethoven download

Beethoven even wrote a will addressed to his brothers Carl and Johann, (known as the Heiligenstadt Testament, after the location where it was written) He was contemplating  suicide. In the middle of writing the will, he changed his mind, and wrote “

“I will take fate by the throat; it will never bend me completely to its will.”

That was 25 years before Beethoven died and before some of his greatest works, including

Fifth Symphony 1807 (Da da da DAH!)

Piano Concerto #5 “Emperor”

Symphony #9 “Ode to Joy” 1822-24 (Many say this is the greatest music composition written. EVER)

He died in 1827, 25 years after he contemplated suicide.  Incidentally,  among his papers was found a love letter to his “Dearly Beloved”.(She has never been definitely identified.   It is still a mystery.)

Abraham Lincoln’s clinical depression and thoughts of suicide:

Lincoln had not one, but two mental breakdowns.  The first was the sickness and death of a friend Ann Rutledge, who died in 1835 of typhoid

Robert L. Wilson, who was elected to the Illinois state legislature with Lincoln in 1836:“when by himself, he told me that he was so overcome with mental depression, that he never dare carry a knife in his pocket.”

The second breakdown was in the winter of 1840—1841  Lincoln was trying to keep the debt-ridden State of Illinois from collapsing (and his political career with it).

Lincoln’s closest friend, Joshua Speed: “Lincoln went Crazy,” Speed recalled. “—had to remove razors from his room—take away all Knives and other such dangerous things—&—it was terrible.”

On January 23 (1841) Lincoln wrote to his law partner in Washington: “I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me.”

When I was a student at University of California, Berkeley, I lived in private residence that rented out rooms to students like me. Conveniently they served breakfast and dinner. One student that rented a room in the residence, had killed himself by hanging himself by his neckties in his closet. He was doing very well academically, and in fact was a “straight A” student. Why did he do such a self-sabotage act? The answer: He got one “B”, and didn’t want to disappoint his folks back home.

Another student a University of California, Berkeley, who became a movie star, winning an Academy Award, and had tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide: Not only an Academy Award, but an author: Her book:  “Rita Moreno: A Memoir” instantly became a New York Times Bestseller.  There’s more:

In June 2004, Ms. Moreno was awarded The Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award, and her other awards include an Emmy, Grammy, Tony, and Golden Globe. In January, 2014, she received the Screen Actors Guild’s Lifetime Achievement Award.

Why did she attempt suicide? Think of what she would have missed if she succeeded.  Why the suicide attempt?,,20065165,00.html

Then came Brando, a love affair that was “off and on” for eight years. “Marlon has always liked Latin women,” she says. “I don’t think he ever went out with a blonde. He has the reputation of being tough or cold, but in reality he is a very gentle, loving man.” It was as much Moreno’s career frustration and “the dead-end environment” of Hollywood as her relationship with Brando that led to her near-fatal overdose of pills.

I met this great star when I was a First Lieutenant Navigator in the US Air Force:

She had already been on the cover of Life Magazine on March 1, 1954

Portrait of actress Rita Moreno. (Photo by Loomis Dean//Time Life Pictures/Getty Images)

Portrait of actress Rita Moreno. (Photo by Loomis Dean//Time Life Pictures/Getty Images)

I was the navigator on an Air Force C97 Stratocruiser, which was flying military passengers and dependents from San Francisco to Hawaii. There was a stationary Navy vessel in the middle between those two places called Ocean Station NAN, to help navigation in that Pacific Ocean route.  On the plane was a movie star, Rita Moreno, who had been a star in the “King and I” and later winning an Academy Award as Anita in “West Side Story”. Rita Moreno came up to where I was working on my navigation maps, where I was about to make a required position report to Ocean Station NAN. We thought it would be fun for Rita to call the ship. She was a good sport and made the call for me.  She did my work for me, reporting in a sexy voice something like “ Hi down there. This is Rita Moreno on Air Force 494 reporting our position 10 miles east of your station and I want to greet you with the big hearty hello, over.”


Al Gore, if he really wanted to be President, he could have been, but he sabotaged himself.

Besides winning the popular vote in 2000, there were controversies around the vote count, and the Supreme Court was involved in sabotaging him, he sabotaged himself, conceding the election to Bush.  Later, Gore was a speculated candidate for the 2004 Presidential Election (a bumper sticker, “Re-elect Gore in 2004!” was popular).[151] On December 16, 2002, however, Gore announced that he would not run in 2004.[152] Despite Gore taking himself out of the race, a handful of his supporters formed a national campaign to draft him into running. One observer concluded it was “Al Gore who has the best chance to defeat the incumbent president.” (George W.Bush, who started a disastrous war with Iraq , based on lies about weapons of mass destruction, on March 20, 2003.)

If elected, the US would most probably not have gone to Bush’s “the war of choice”, Iraq.  The U.S. war in Iraq has cost $1.7 trillion with an additional$490 billion in benefits owed to war veterans, expenses that could grow to more than $6 trillion over the next four decades counting interest, a study released on Thursday, March 14, 2013. ( )

In 2015, Al Gore is 67 years old.

Prison of your own beliefs.

Gourdieff and Swami Osho: You are in a prison and don’t know it.  The way to get out of prison is to realize you are in a prison.

” Man is born only as a potential. He can become a thorn for himself and for others, he can also become a flower for himself and for others.” Swami Osho

Matthew Maltz- I treated my brothers Bob and Ben to a lecture by Matthew Maltz in San Jose, California. His first words in the lecture was “Release yourself from the prison of your mind!”

As a plastic surgeon, he found that many cosmetic surgery patients, after being treated, still felt “ugly”. It remained in their minds. 5: notes from maxwell maltz: the search for self respect

“Know that everything you need is within you, waiting to be discovered.”—Patricia Cori

Sometimes someone has to have faith in you, and tells you : “YOU CAN DO IT!”

That’s what Ben Carson’s mother told him when her son, a neurosurgeon was tackling a difficult operation that had never been done before-separating Siamese twins joined at their heads. Ben Carson’s mother, formerly an illiterate adult,  told her son, pointing to her head, saying the answer is right here.  Previously, her son as a child thought he was stupid, but it turned out he just needed glasses, which his mother, financially challenged,  scraped together and bought him a pair.

Dr. Carson saw a faucet stop dripping, and he had a flash of genius –stop both the babies’ hearts (you can do that for up to an hour) while he performed the history making operation that was successful. He has done that operation 4 times more after the first one.

His mother had told him as a child that he could be anything he wanted to be.

He is currently running for President of the United States, as a candidate for the 2016 election.

Instead of sabotaging yourself, it is beneficial to have someone who has faith in you, and believes in you.

Temple Grandin , who is autistic, couldn’t talk until she was four years old and doctors advised her mother to institutionalize her. One doctor, after Temple’s mother objected to that recommendation, said “Why don’t you talk to your husband, he will tell you.”  Mrs. Grandin said “I have a degree from Harvard. Why don’t you tell me, Doctor?” Temple’s mother instead chose to seek intensive treatment for Grandin, and as a result of mother Grandin’s confidence, Temple eventually earned a PHD.  Dr. Grandin has become famous as a lecturer, and Grandin, a professor of animal science at Colorado State University is a top innovator in the field of animal behavior.  Grandin’s life was the inspiration for an HBO film “Temple Grandin”,  released in 2010, which won five Emmys.

Trailer of movie “Temple Grandin”:

From  Inspiring Stories of Transforming Failure to Success

:Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn’t read until he was seven. His teacher described him as “mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.” He was expelled and refused admittance to Zurich Polytechnic School. The University of Bern turned down his Ph.D. dissertation as being irrelevant and fanciful.

Further samples from this great and wonderful source:

“Colonel Sanders had the construction of a new road put him out of business in 1967. He went to over 1,000 places trying to sell his chicken recipe before he found a buyer interested in his 11 herbs and spices. Seven years later, at the age of 75, Colonel Sanders sold his fried chicken company for a finger-lickin’ $15 million!”
— from: A failure to success story from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soulby Jack Canfield and Mark V. Hansen

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of ideas. Disney also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland.

Charln,es Darwin, father of the theory of evolution, gave up a medical career and was told by his father, “You care for nothing but shooting, dogs, and rat catching.” In his autobiography, Darwin wrote, “I was considered by my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard in intellect.

The movie Star Wars was rejected by every movie studio in Hollywood before 20th-Century Fox finally produced it. It went on to be one of the largest grossing movies in film history.

Louis Pasteur was only a mediocre pupil in undergraduate studies and ranked 15 out of 22 in chemistry.

The above is just a sample. There are nine more at

My high school civics teacher, Mr. Kermoyan, had faith in me and told me I should run for senior class council.

I would have to give a speech before the whole student body, and I was afraid because I had never done public speaking and I didn’t think I would be a good speaker. But he had confidence in me told me I could do it. I ran and in front of the audience I boldly said “I am the man for this job!”, and repeated “I am the man for this job!” to surprising (to me) applause from the students. (The position I was seeking was Athletic Manager, who just sold tickets to the Football Games.) I ran and won over a cool cashmere wearing hail- fellow- well- met opponent!  Later in my life, I became President of the San Francisco toastmasters club (Public speaking club).

Instead of Self SABOTAGE :

Convince yourself you can do it (whatever you want).

Sometimes someone has to tell you    YOU CAN DO IT!

Believe that you can have a “FLASH of genius”.

  1. The inventor of the sewing machine (had a dream of natives with spears with holes in the end of their spears).
  2. People with cars in the rain used to get out and personally wipe rain off their windshield. The inventor of windshield wipers for cars was in court where Ford Motor Company, who stole his idea, was contesting his windshield wiper patent. The court wanted something to seal the uniqueness of his patent. He told the court he noticed how a person’s eyelid closes up and down over a person’s eye). That was a “flash of genius” that the court recognized, and ruled against Ford, awarding the inventor 18 million dollars. Later, the inventor settled with Chrysler. His flash of genius earned him a total of $30 million. There is a movie “Flash of Genius” heralding the inventor winning against these huge corporations:
  3. Neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson and the faucet that stopped dripping. See the story above.
  4. The mother of Temple Grandin was told by a doctor that Temple was hopeless and should “be institutionalized”. She now has a PHD and Dr. Temple Grandin teaches classes about autism, and promotes the use of art as a help to those afflicted:



(the story was inspired by a young kid to his father who is a movie director and producer).

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-DDescription: Adventures of shark boy and lava girl poster.jpg  Theatrical release poster

Many Years ago, I was lucky enough to attend a RAM DASS lecture at The First Unitarian Universalist Church of San Francisco.  He was the author of the famous book “Be Here Now”.  The  initial publication sold over 2 million copies. People were very excited, and there must’ve been about 1000 people attending.

He told us a story about the Sage King.

There was a very wise and spiritual King, RAM Dass told us. He lived in a very opulent Palace.  One time a young Turk (a contentious young person who goes against the system) came to the Palace and challenged the wise King , saying “ You are not  spiritual.  You are surrounded by gold and precious gems”, pointing  to  the walls of the Palace.

The wise King just clapped his hands.  Without  the King saying  a word,  a servant suddenly appeared.  The King  told the servant to put a pitcher of milk on the head of the young Turk.  Then the King told the young man to go out into the marketplace in the noon day sun, and go around the marketplace and come back into the Palace, but  not to spill one drop of milk from the pitcher. And just to make sure that the young man did not spill any  milk, he had another servant follow him with a  razor-sharp sword(scimitar), and the man with the scimitar was told to cut off the head of the young man if he spilled as much as one drop of milk.

So the young man, being followed by the servant wielding the scimitar, went past the basket weaver, the snake charmer, the gourd designer, the purse maker, etc., etc. and lo and behold, came back into the Palace, head intact.   He said, “See, I made it back without spilling a drop of milk!”

The Sage King, asked the boasting young man to tell him,  in sequence, all the stalls he passed in his tour, in their proper order. The young man said,

“I can’t do that- I was concentrating on not spilling milk from the pitcher.”

The Sage King  raised his hands, turning  his body,  gazing  at the gold, and precious stones, etc. on the walls  in the  palace,  indicating  that although he was surrounded by these things of wealth, that was not what he was about, or on which he  concentrated or gave attention .

That was a very insightful story about on which you focus, which is often not what people think. The audience was very impressed.  Some claimed they even saw Ram Dass levitate!

Importantly, this story is about what you focus upon,

If you have negative unacceptable thoughts, you can change your thoughts immediately to other positive substitute thouhts.  I like the idea of the chocolate chips and ice cream, or a beautiful peaceful scene in nature.  Also good is become aware of your breath. Focus on your breath.

Swami Mooji says “I tell my best students “Empty your Mind. No identity. That’s it!”


Someone I knew  at one time was a professional gambler. He was very interested in psychology. When he was at Yale (he first went there on a Scholarship from high school),  a well-known Psychology professor, Chris Argryis, (author of Immaturity/Maturity Theory)  told him he would do well in Psychology if he followed in that direction .

In Poker, players were in fear sometimes and even perspired when he, after he graduated from Yale, sat at the table of the poker gambling club in South San Francisco.  Why? Because he could “read them”. He kept notes-“Gus’s left eye twitches when he is bluffing”. Etc. Successful as he was, he finally quit gambling, and went into business for himself, hauling trash and cleaning basements in his own truck   Why did he quit his successful gambling? Because “I felt that I wanted to ruin everybody at the table. I didn’t think that was healthy”, he told me.

One time we were both in  the back seat of a car on Market Street, driven by a long-time friend,  Leon , who sometimes wore a chauffer’s cap, approaching a concrete “island” where prospective passengers would alight on the local public transportation, whether it be rail streetcar or bus.. Standing on that island, a man was looking at the contents of his wallet, shaking his head, and looked dejected. As we were  arriving on the inside of the traffic island, ____(He doesn’t want his name mentioned -maybe because in this instant he took money from an indigent : -)) said to us in the car “Watch this”. When we were abreast of the man on the island,  ______rolled down his window and without saying a word,  put his hand toward the dejected man, like asking him for the money in his wallet. The man sadly took out the last few bills in his wallet, emptying it into _______ hand. We were amazed!. ______ explained it this way. “It’s called Gambler’s Ruin” When a gambler is down and out, he is thinking, might as well lose it all, and inside actually yearns to lose it all, and re-start from nothing. The only way from there is up. An example of a self sabotaging act.


Religion is masterful at leading followers into feelings of guilt and shame.

There are ways out from these traps, some hidden in the Internet.

Also a peaceful life awaits you beyond all religion:

About beyondallreligion

Samuel Butler, Author: BEYOND ALL RELIGION Most all religions are based upon a bedrock of lies. Christianity was invented by Emperor Constantine , for political purposes, based upon the myth of Mithra, a Persian savior god born on December 25 , son of a virgin. Mithra performed miracles and was later crucified. Pope Leo X (died 1521) called Christ a “Fable”. Later Pope Paul III expressed similar sentiments. Moses is based on the Sumerian life and legends of Sargon I, King of Akkad, “set in a basket of rushes and “cast into the river”. Egyptians kept exhausting hieroglyphic records. There is a complete absence of any record of Moses leading over 600,000 men, women and children away from Pharaoh’s army. Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, was convicted in a court of Law of being an “impostor”, today a fraud, con man, in 1826. He wrote the Book of Mormon soon after. Question: You decide: Does the text of the verses of the Qur’an correspond exactly to those revealed to Muhammad directly as the words of God, delivered to Muhammad through the angel Gabriel, as claimed? Sample or Buy New Book “Beyond All Religion”, 152 pgs, $9.95 at (Kindle edition $3.49) or send mailing address and $9.95 to Sam Butler, SB 197, POB 25292, Miami, FL 33102."
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  1. Cindy says:

    Please be careful about how you write about suicide. “At times, reporting on suicide can prove harmful, spreading misinformation or inadvertently contributing to suicide contagion.” You can get the recommended guidelines here:

  2. I don’t see anything dangerous about reporting stories about people who did not commit suicide, while having contemplated suicide, and showing what greatness they achieved later thanks to not doing it. (Beethoven, Abraham Lincoln, and Rita Moreno, being great examples)

  3. S says:

    @beyondallreligion: Don’t let ‘Princess Pontificator’ get to you; there’s one of her in every audience.

    Personally, I related to the stories about considering suicide because it’s a subject that often occupies my own mind (don’t worry – I don’t possess the necessary courage).

    What I hadn’t considered is the, ‘You can do it!’ self talk to help turn thoughts around, so thank you for that.

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